I realized something today.
I've been wondering where my Christmas cheer is this year.
I normally LOVE Christmas and have so much fun decorating, baking, shopping and wrapping.
However this year I'm tired.
It could be because I have a two year old, a three month old, and I haven't gotten a good night of sleep in over 8 months. Maybe that has something to do with it :)
This year it all feels like one more thing I have to do. I realized why. It's because I can't even get my normal day to day stuff accomplished. Things like cleaning the house, calling about things that need to be taken care of, ironing shirts, etc. Since having a second child I've constantly felt like I just can't get things that need to be done accomplished. When Ethan's nap time rolls around I just can't seem to muster up any energy to get things done. I have to take a rest. I'm just so exhausted. I know this is just a short phase in life. I've actually come a long way and let a lot of things go that would have previously bothered me.
I've just found it hard this year to have fun with it all. This year I find that I'd rather look at Christmas lights, read Christmas stories, and just be with my family... things that don't take much energy or occupied children to enjoy. I guess I've realized where my priorities are. Although I love giving gifts, it just doesn't matter to me that much this year. I can't find the time or energy to Christmas shop with my two little ones, so it's taken much more effort.
Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying parts of it. I just feel crabby about all the things I "have to do". I'm having fun teaching Ethan about the birth of Jesus and looking at "special lights" every night. I love having our Christmas tree up, it's fun to look at. I love receiving Christmas cards. I have lots of ideas for crafts I want to make (just haven't found the time to make them yet).
Today, even though my house desperately needs to be cleaned, I wrapped presents and made cookie dough. It took me all morning, and Ethan had the house torn apart, but at least I got it finished. Now I at least feel like I can enjoy things a little more. I guess I don't like when my to do list grows and grows and grows, and never shrinks. I think that's just the reality of having two little ones :)
Now I'm going to take a deep breath. Get some perspective, and try to enjoy it all. I think I just needed to ramble today... I'm going to go take a rest now :)