Where's my Christmas cheer?

I realized something today.

I've been wondering where my Christmas cheer is this year.

I normally LOVE Christmas and have so much fun decorating, baking, shopping and wrapping.

However this year I'm tired.

Really tired.

It could be because I have a two year old, a three month old, and I haven't gotten a good night of sleep in over 8 months. Maybe that has something to do with it :)

This year it all feels like one more thing I have to do. I realized why. It's because I can't even get my normal day to day stuff accomplished. Things like cleaning the house, calling about things that need to be taken care of, ironing shirts, etc. Since having a second child I've constantly felt like I just can't get things that need to be done accomplished. When Ethan's nap time rolls around I just can't seem to muster up any energy to get things done. I have to take a rest. I'm just so exhausted. I know this is just a short phase in life. I've actually come a long way and let a lot of things go that would have previously bothered me.

I've just found it hard this year to have fun with it all. This year I find that I'd rather look at Christmas lights, read Christmas stories, and just be with my family... things that don't take much energy or occupied children to enjoy. I guess I've realized where my priorities are. Although I love giving gifts, it just doesn't matter to me that much this year. I can't find the time or energy to Christmas shop with my two little ones, so it's taken much more effort.

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying parts of it. I just feel crabby about all the things I "have to do". I'm having fun teaching Ethan about the birth of Jesus and looking at "special lights" every night. I love having our Christmas tree up, it's fun to look at. I love receiving Christmas cards. I have lots of ideas for crafts I want to make (just haven't found the time to make them yet).

Today, even though my house desperately needs to be cleaned, I wrapped presents and made cookie dough. It took me all morning, and Ethan had the house torn apart, but at least I got it finished. Now I at least feel like I can enjoy things a little more. I guess I don't like when my to do list grows and grows and grows, and never shrinks. I think that's just the reality of having two little ones :)

Now I'm going to take a deep breath. Get some perspective, and try to enjoy it all. I think I just needed to ramble today... I'm going to go take a rest now :)


Marisa said…
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is to sing aloud for all to hear!"

Pretend you can hear me singing to you and maybe it will spread. Just kidding. That's a quote from Buddy the Elf..

You're doing a fantastic job with two little one's demanding most of your waking minutes. If we ever got Ethan & Ashlyn to hang out more, I would totally have him for a playdate so you can get some time to refresh your mind.
Jill said…
Seriously, what's ironing??!! Ask Mark how many shirts of his I've ironed!!! Enjoy the time with the little ones, and come over to my house if you want to feel better about yours (cleaning, what's that?!). :) Love ya!
Jessica, I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand the feelings you are expressing. I love doing all those things too - shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating. . . but for a couple of years, I just didn't have the energy or will to do it all. I didn't even put up my tree after Miranda was born - I figured it only meant I would have to fight kids from messing with it and then taking it all down and putting it away. How could I bite off all of that when I couldn't even keep up my normal responsibilities? Well, this year I am enjoying things again. Even though everything takes way more energy and clean up. It's true that what we could accomplish before kids in one hour takes a whole day now, and then we are so pooped we let other things slide. . . Just wanted to say you are so 'in the normal' and it does pass. I just had to leave a comment because as I read it, I could so relate.
krista said…
You are tired...and frankly I don't know how you manage to do all that you DO on the sleep that you get. I do share your feelings though...since I have been working fulltime again, it is a lot. I had a meltdown about it all last night. You are not alone. I am glad you got to do some Christmasy activities today and let the cleaning and other duties go....it's good to do that too :)
I totally admire you ....just like Krista wrote. I have a hard time doing anything after getting home from work and I find myself asleep on the couch at 8 or 9 everynight with nothing checked off my to do list. Everything is getting to be in little piles...and frankly im not caring anymore. ( i have only 1 child remember) You are amazing for all that you do. It only helps to know you are normal when I read this blog post :)
We are all still praying for you, and I know this will pass and you will look back on it and think it was such a short period of time.
Brigitte said…
Feeling is mutual for sure. This year the Christmas tree actually seemed to take effort for me to get it in place. Usually I have it all complete the day after Thanksgiving. The is definitely a feeling of exhaustion this year for sure. Hang in there and Happy Holidays!!
Genn said…
Hallelujah, I hear you! Thanks for your honesty, because I feel like everyone else just "loves" to put up the tree and the lights, and every year, but epsecially now with two little ones I just think it's so much work. I'm trying really hard to do it all, but realizing you just can't do it "all". Many things we've done in the past might not happen this year (like going to the mission inn, gingerbread houses, stuff like that)

Hang in there with your busy days. I hope your Christmas cheer comes back soon. :)
Charlee said…
Hang in there it gets better. When Breven was 19mo old and not sleeping that Christmas I was in a total funk. I didn't want to do Christmas anything because I was so tired. All I wanted to do was stay home with my family and play and nap. But as times goes on it gets better and as they get older and you get more sleep it gets better.
Christy said…
I'm tired to, maybe its a "mom" thing. :) My kids are so excited and I am just trying to take one day at a time. Hangin there girly. :)
Rhonda said…
It hasn't felt much like Christmas for the last few years for me. I ditto Christy, maybe its a "mom" thing. Just savor the moments you have sharing Christmas with your little ones. They don't care how clean the house is when you have those moments.

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