today...

I wasn't going to blog today, because honestly,
I felt like I couldn't possibly think of anything positive to say.
Today was one of the most difficult mommy days I've had to date.
Nothing tragic happened....
no one got their finger chopped off...
we didn't have to go to the ER...
my kids are sleeping in their beds as I type.
Yes, they do have awful colds,
and I have a doosy of a cold myself...
but we are home...
warm,
fed,
and clothed.

So quite honestly, I feel selfish even typing this post.
I've been praying for so many sick kids,
and mommies in need of some extra special blessing.
I couldn't even bring myself to ask for prayer today except to my husband and mom because I felt like my issues weren't "big enough". 
And then tonight, I was reading blogs...
and I just broke down in tears that I had been holding back all day.

I had been giving myself the "pep talk" all day,
and it never seemed to help...
You know the one I'm talking about....
"At least my kids are this,
at least I have that,
it could be so much worse,
thank you Lord that I am this"....
The pep talk never worked today,
it couldn't cheer me up.
It didn't get me out of my funk,
I still yelled far too much,
I let the circumstances of the day get me completely overwhelmed,
and I failed the two little ones who pretty much completely depend on me.


All I could do was wallow in my pity,
feel sorry for myself,
complain about how hard this day had been,
and cry out for help.


It took three hours of silence
(my kids went to bed at 6:00 tonight...because boy did they need it, and it's nearly 10:00),
for my "pep talks" to finally sink in.
It took reading blogs and turning outward and praying for others to finally stop feeling sorry for myself...
and to thank the Lord for the precious little blessings that are fast asleep in their beds...
to Praise Him that I have another chance to do a whole lot better at mothering tomorrow....
to remember that EVERYONE has rediculously hard days like this,
and that with His Grace,
we get to start all over again tomorrow.

So I pray...
with my fragmented writing,
and my discombobulated and frazzled thoughts,
that somehow,
someway,
I could do better job tomorrow.
I'm extra thankful for grace and forgiveness on days like this.
Mothering is HARD...
the hardest job I've been given to date.
I guess that's why it takes a whole lot more prayer than anything else I've been given to date.



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Comments

I could have written this post today....thank you so much for sharing. Today was a rough one for me also...my girls weren't listening, I had no patience, they didn't nap....the list goes on and on. Like you, I am thankful tomorrow is a new day & so very thankful for grace & forgiveness....God knows I need it! Praying for you tomorrow!
it really is a bummer that we feel that we need to have something devastating happen in order to justify our job being hard. Mothering is hard and some days we fail but so many others we soar with greatness! Praise God for His grace for the days that we fail miserably, I had one of those days on monday and I'm learning to just let it be, I complain like crazy to God without any guilt and the next day take the time to thank Him, and He hasn't turned His back on me yet (and I know He never will). Your a great mama, Jen, give yourself grace just as God has!
oops typ-o , I do actaully know your name is Jes not "Jen" ... GRACE :)
Jess said…
thank goodness for a NEW day!!! i put the kids to bed last night and then went to bed myself!!! i was so tired and i just wanted to end the day as fast as i could!!! i am going to treat myself today...time to myself is much needed! hugs to you!!!
Kelly said…
I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. Sometimes it also takes just being AWAY from our kids for a while to feel better. Glad they went to bed early and gave you a good chunk of time by yourself.
Rhonda said…
Mothering sure has made me appreciate my mom more.
You need to treat yourself to "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp - seriously!

Glad you got some rest.
Praying for God's perspective today, in spite of the job at hand.
xoxo
Love you friend! Don't you let the lying enemy beat you up anymore! God is good, and HIS love is perfect when ours isn't! :)
Christine said…
His mercies are new every morning...sometimes it's good just to go to bed and start fresh... I know the feeling. I have BAD days and I feel guilty for them.. but to know you aren't alone can help you get through. Thank you for your honesty
Christy said…
Mothering is SO hard. So heart wrenching and by far the hardest thing I have EVER done. Its so crazy. Some days we are good at it and others not so much. Praying has increased greatly in my house since having two girls let me just tell you. Sometimes it is begging, other times it is pleading and other times I have no words.
Holly said…
This post really hit home- thank you for sharing- I beat myself up for the same things too. Found this post very inspirational- cheered me right up- thank you :)

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